Jordan Peterson in SLC

It has been interesting to watch Jordan Peterson’s rise to such popularity. He went from being a humble professor of psychology and clinician, to being an ideological rock star – and all of this for simply being willing to say what he believed, even in the face of tremendous persecution.  Tonight, he gave a lecture to a packed NBA arena in Salt Lake City, UT. Here are a few notes from his lecture: 

Opening remarks by his daughter, Makayla:

She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis as a young girl. Jordan gave her some advice: 

• “Never use your illness as an excuse. “

Jordan’s Lecture: based on chapter 3 of “12 More Rules”: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog.

• The value of the marriage vow is that it creates a container where bailing out of the relationship is not an option when an argument occurs. 
• You don’t want to make your fight about everything. 
• Know what your conditions for satisfaction are. 
• To admit to yourself what you want makes yourself vulnerable to the other- they can withhold or be contemptuous with you and your expressed need. 
• The fog is the mystery surrounding the fact that you are upset. 
• There’s nothing too small in a relationship to be subjected to negotiation… the alternative is to pretend that you are pleased and happy. 
• If you admit to yourself that you are unhappy, when you are unhappy- and you imagine that there is something that could be done better- you have the possibility of refusing to hide things in the fog. 
• Admit your discontent. Refuse to write it off for any reason 
• Allow yourself to specify the alternative without excessive accusations 
• In a successful marriage – Couples should expect to talk for 90 min / week at minimum just about their relationship. If you don’t, you stop developing the shared narrative that weaves your lives together.
  Couples should spend at least 90 min week having sex and being intimate. Otherwise, the marriage will unravel. 
• You will betray each other to some degree – it’s the price to pay as you learn to be worthy of each other’s trust 

From the Q&A: 

• Someone in the audience asked his thoughts on Atheism.

   

  He pointed out that in the Judeo Christian tradition, God’s chosen people are called “Israel”. One of the interpretations of the  name “Israel”  is “to wrestle with god”.  Those who wrestle with God – those who question, who struggle with faith, who take the risks to wrestle with the big thing- are favored in God’s eyes.