2019 April 2 Journal

2019 April 2 Journal

I started commenting on a thread about whether or not Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. My comment was that though in theory, sex workers can have a connection to the Divine, in practice, my experience has been that they live in such a deep state of compromise that it precludes them having much of a spiritual side. 

….and then I got thinking about my own hypocrisy. I’ve dropped the ball in so many places…

I feel bad about those. 

I value people who are impeccable with their word. 

I want to more deeply develop that in myself. 

ONLY say “yes” to things I know I’ll make good on. 

Be willing to say “No” if I’m not prepared to commit. 

I just watched the sun move in the sky. 

A moment ago it was just peaking up over the mountain tops, now it hangs high in the air. Soon the day will be over. Soon all the days will be over. 

How quickly it all goes by. 

I am FULL OF NEGATIVE SELF CHATTER RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD. 

FUCK. 

Especially surrounding the podcast, the Soul Anarchist branding, etc. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

I’m not even going to give it the energy of taking dictation from it and putting it in here…. For now it will suffice to say that the darkness and negative self chatter feel like a wave closing in over me. 

Ugh. Anyway. I have a plan. I just get to execute it. 


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